Day 3: liquid fasting or not

When i dont eat I eat nothing.
When i eat I eat everything.

So not eating.
Untill I am  59.9kg.

Starting now
Untill-it takes

Day 2

Good morning.

I weighed myself and i have last 0.5kg/1.1ibs. So that is great. Well at least it is a start and I have like 9.5kg to go.
It was hard not to binge yesterday. really hard.
 My mind was like: come on Sara one more day will not make a difference.
But it will, it will and i know it will.
Crap i hate my binge eating, like seriously it gives me nothing good.
It makes me fat and broke.

And i am also depressed. it is stil fucking winter outside. It is cold and sonwy and ice everywhere and slippery and I hate it. I want spring so I can start my running outside.
Running de-stresses me and that is what I need at the moment less stress.

well i did binge and purge today.
i guess this will be a lot harder than i tought.
Must keep going.
no giving up

Day 1. 500 kcal

Today is a 500kcal day.
of course i would like to fast but i know that it will just lead into a binge. So i will ease myself into not eating and shrink my stomach a bit. it is probably huge from all the binge food.

So i weighed mysealf and 63kg on the dodt. It is not my highest weight ever but pretty close to it.
And yes i am extremly mad at myself for letting myselg get here again. No mu fucking binges and purges (the will make you fat, well they make me fat because i dont always purge and when i do i dont get everything up)

I also took a befor picture but i will post it at the end of 31 days with the after picture.

I need to pay my rent today but i dont want to see my balance on my banck account. i am so shamed and mad at myself and discusted that i have spent so much money on binge foods this month.

Bithday diet

In 31 days i will have my birthday.
I dont want to spend one more year being fat and hating my body and having an eating disorder that even doesn't make me slim.
I have now started purging after binging and i hate it.
I have been horrible with my eating for the past 2 months, i am also depressed and hate the cold weather. why cant it be warm spring allready?

I have 31 days to loos weight. my goal is 53kg and to achieve that i need to lose about 10kg.
I will weigh myself tomorrow so i will no the exact number.

I am not following any diet I am eating as little as I can get away with.
I will decide what I will eat the next day on the evening of the previous and i will then shop for only the thing i will eat next day.
If i have food in my fridge i will binge on it. So no food.

I hope to get support from here.

I do not wish an eating disorder on anyone. It is an horrible disease. Dont start because ending will  be so sos very hard.

Someday I will reach for help but today and the next 31 days is not that day.


What supplements you take to keep youself healty?

weekend

Still no computer and at the moment I am useing my complicated-almost-ex-boyfriends laptop.
The weekend did not go well. As usual I do good in weekdays and the at the weekend I go fucking nuts.
I stayed over at Mats(complicated almost ex) appartment so i could not weigh myself but i will tomorrow morning and also try to post my stats then.

I am 166cm or 5'5'' 
Weigh about 59kg 
My goal weight is 53kg and bmi of 19.

Loosing weight

Two weeks ago i was 61kg(just after a binge).
On Monday i was 59.9kg.
Today i am 58.7kg.
My goal is to be 53kg before the end of the year.

University is so much work and i am so lazy...
It is only my firs semester/term.
But i need to do this.
I need to get my degree.

Computer crashed

My computer crashed two weeks ago and I had very little Interenet access. At the moment I am writing this from my boyfriends computer.
I have no idea how long it will take to fix my laptop but I hope not very long or I will go crazy soon.
The weekend i spent with my mother  her place is a huge trigger to me and I binged pretty bad there. I love my mother but something there just makes me eat all the food in sight. So frustrating. I would like to spend more time at my mum's place but I really dont want to get fat.
I also did one positive thing yesterday, I went running and i loved it. I dont know why I stopped running in September, probably because of university work. Maybe if i had continued running I would not have gained all that weight back. Next time i will be smarter.
I am fasting today and it is going great so far.
I have an exam on Thursday and I should study for it but i am too lazy and I have no motivation.
It seems the only thing i care about is my weight and the amount of food i am eating.
But this really has to change because i want to pass all my classes.

I will update my progress in a few days.