Binge purge

Two days of good eating. No binges, only food i consumed was some bread so my stomachk would not rumble during classes.
When i binge i almost never purge because I am not good at. Nothing came up even if i tried really hard. but the last weeks i binged and the times i tried to purge it acutlly worked.
So when i binge i have to purge to get rid of some calories and also to punish myself.

life

I feel so fat.
I have gained about 5 kg in the last 2 months because of university and boyfriends issues stress.
I hate the way I look.
I have no idea what i want concerning my boyfriend. i dont know if i want him or not.
i am still moving out on Monday. I dont know how we are going to explain my moving out to his family.
I dont know if we should break up or not.
I know i need some time to myself, have my own space.

Today i did well, only had some potatoes with sauce (i am at my boyfriends parents place where we eat together and not eating is not an option). I did not binge and that is good.
When i live in my dorm there will be less temtation because i will not buy bad foods.

bad day

my eye is swollen and i have no ide why. it is also guite red and looks ugly and i have school today and a party i really want to go tomorrow.
I am hoping it will go away by tomorrow evening but i doubt it will.

work

I have so much uni work.
I am moving out tomorrow so i am pacing and trying to figure out how to get all my stuff to the dorm.
I ate pizza today, that was my only meal.
When i have settled in my new palce i can write more and also take my measurments and maybe get a gym membership.

liquids and studying

Yesterday was okey.
It is really hard for me not to binge. I have a severe binge disorder.
I was very productive yesterday evening, and finished several university assignment i had to do. So i am really pleased about that.
I was supposed to go out with my friend in the evening but i had no motivation or mood to go so i stayed home and watched TV and studied.
Today i am liquid fasting and studying some more.
I should also start backing because i am moving to a dorm next week.
And in the evening i am going to a friends place to drink vine(yes i know how bad alcohol is).
I am liquid fasting because i want my stomach to shring so i get full faster.
I might try a water fast but i am not sure i am up to it.
I should also weigh myself but the high number would probably lead to a binge so i am staying away from a scale for a week or so.

First steps

Well today i did great in the morning.
At 2 i had my uni lecture and there my tummy did not stay quiet so after the lesson my friends offerd we should go eat before our next lesson and i could not say no.
But i am happy because i did not binge even after i had to eat. usually i am like, okey i all ready fucked up so lets binge binge binge.
Now i am going to see a football game. I need to socialise more.
Tomorrow i hope to eat very little, so my belly would be quiet in class.

Hi

Havent been here for a while. I tryed to be ormal and eat normal but still lose weight.

Well that did not happen.
I am back in uni and well eating here is crap. I eat way too much and i have gained like 6 pounds from the beginning of September. I feel like a fat cow and look like one too.
I am starting my fast in 2 hours. and i want to last 5 days. only diet coke and water is allowed.
I have been bingeing the last days because i broke up with my boyfriend. I just did not love him any more. But it is stressful and i feel sad because we had a 2 year relationship and he was the person i could trust always but there was no love anymore.
I have to wait a week before i can move to my dorm. until then i am stressed and that is bad because i binge when i am stressed.
As i am single now i have even more reason to become skinny.

I will update how my first day went tomorrow evening and maybe introduce myself a little more.
Is there anything you would like to know about me?